


Tell me what they looked like. Did they seem afraid of you? They were kids that I once knew.

by oathkeptroxas



Category: DCU, DCU (Comics), Red Hood and the Outlaws (Comics), Red Hood/Arsenal (Comics)
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Complicated Relationships, Insecurity, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-16
Updated: 2017-07-16
Packaged: 2018-12-02 22:15:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 907
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11518587
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oathkeptroxas/pseuds/oathkeptroxas
Summary: I could say it but you won't believe me.





	Tell me what they looked like. Did they seem afraid of you? They were kids that I once knew.

**Author's Note:**

> just a little prompt i got on tumblr that i decided to post here too! :)

“I don’t wanna screw this up,” Jason's quiet confession cut through their stalemate.

Roy looked over at him, both of them stood tense in the dim light, barely able to make out each other’s expressions. Jason was angled towards the door, and Roy knew him well enough to know that he’d most likely been battling his fight or flight response since he arrived.

Sadly, this was progress. Roy scoffed. Jason’s head lifted, his eyes seeking out Roy’s and showcasing a desperate kind of hurting. They’d been dancing around this thing between them for too long now. Admittedly, Roy didn’t have the best track record with relationships, but at least he’d had relationships. Jason? Not so much.

Roy knew that Jason was afraid of change, hesitant to trust, angry at the world and disbelieving that a chance at happiness was in the cards for him. But even armed with that knowledge it was getting difficult not to take Jason’s rejections personally. Because that’s what they were, no matter how you looked at it, Jason always left Roy behind, always ran when they got a little too close, never fought for what they could have.

 _“I don’t wanna screw this up,”_ He’d said, a raw kind of honesty that they’d never edged towards before. Neither of them had ever been much good with words. But there was a slight reassurance in knowing that Jason’s reluctance was the result of self-doubt, not a lack of interest.

Roy was so tired of playing this game. If they didn’t think too hard about it, it was good, _perfect_ even. But then the kisses would turn too tender, the burning fondness in their eyes un-obscured, and Jason would bolt. Having the object of his affection run every time he got close to confessing his love was really doing nothing for Roy’s self-esteem.

Roy sighed, scrubbed a hand down his face and just looked at Jason, watched as he shifted his weight from one foot to another in his nervousness. He wished they didn’t have to keep doing this. He wished things could just be simple between them.

 _“I don’t wanna screw this up,”_ Roy couldn’t help replaying that in his mind, and though he felt for Jay, was heartbroken that the other boy would put so much on himself, it also really irritated him.

“Tough shit,” Roy finally replied, and the shock that splashed across Jason’s face would’ve been comical at any other time. “I’ve screwed up more times than I can count. You’ve screwed up before, too. And we’ll do it again. The whole fucking world is screwed, Jason!”

Jason just blinked at him, his eyes hurt and his mouth down-turned. He took a hesitant step back and Roy knew he was readying himself to escape, that he was gonna lose him, _again_.

“Isn’t it worth it?” Roy asked, soft now, resigned. “Don’t you think that it’s worth the inevitable fuck-ups? We could build something here, Jay. But you’re so afraid of all the ways it might go wrong that you refuse to see all the things that could go _so right_.”

Jason bit his bottom lip and his gaze found the floorboards. “I don’t know what you want me to say.”

“I can’t keep doing this.” Roy began, “I can’t keep watching you leave and begging you to stay. It’s not fair. I get it, you’re scared, it’s different. But, I can’t just wait around for you to maybe one day think I’m worth taking a chance on.”

“It’s never been about you,” Jason said suddenly, his eyes going glassy. His fists were clenched and trembling at his sides.

“Yeah, Jay. It has. I’m here too, I’m just as effected every time we go through this.” Roy knew what Jason was trying to say, that this had never been a result of anything Roy had done. But even so, he needed to understand that his actions caused a ripple effect.

“So, what? You’re just gonna give up on me?” Jason’s voice cracked, tears spilling over.

Roy closed his eyes against it, couldn’t bare to see Jason like this and hating himself for what he felt needed to be done. “Jay...you never gave me a chance in the first place. How long do you want me to hold on? Because you’ve never even given me a sign that there’s anything here for me.”

“ _I love you_ , okay? Is that what you wanted?!” Jason fumed, desperate and reaching out.

Roy sucked in a breath, and it hurt to have that thrown at him this way. “Jay, I’m not doing this to hurt you, I’m doing this because I want to stop hurting myself. I’ve loved you for a long time, that isn’t changing, but I can’t be what you need, I don’t even know what that is.”

When the silence between them stretched on, Roy retrieved his bow and quiver and headed for the door. Unable to stop himself, he pressed a kiss to Jason’s temple as he passed. Jay’s breath hitched at the contact, and before Roy could take another step Jason whispered, “See? I screwed up anyway.”

“You were always going to,” Roy murmured, just as softly, “That was never the problem. Everyone fucks up, Jay, but that doesn’t mean they shouldn’t try.”

Jason took a shaky breath and gave Roy a watery smile. “I wanna try,” he confessed, the intensity of his gaze cut Roy open, “Can we, please?”


End file.
